Short Story: The Tick-Tock of your Heart
“What do you mean I’m going to die?”
Steve stared at Paul in a confused manner, which was his usual expression when it came to Paul. They were both standing in Steve’s kitchen, which was filled with regular kitchen appliances, regular kitchen food, and a lot of regular kitchen beer cans.
Oh, and there was also a time machine.
“It’s pretty self-explanatory,” said Paul, “You end up dying, so I hopped in this bad boy to save you!”
It was surprising that Steve hadn’t asked about “this bad boy” of a time machine yet, considering it was taking up over half of his kitchen. But Steve wasn’t the smartest person. Neither was Paul. Stories about smart people don’t tend to be very wild.
“What is that thing?”
“My time machine.”
“Oh, okay I was-WAIT WHAT!?! How the bloody hell do you have a time machine?”
“I stole it.”
“Jesus.”
“You believed that very easily,” said Paul, a little hurt that Steve would think something so awful of him, even if it was exactly what had happened.
“Well I highly doubt you built it yourself, idiot.”
“Oh, thanks a lot! I steal a time machine to save your life, and all you do is insult me!”
“This is so bloody typical of you. But why do you need a time machine to save my life?”
“Like I said, you’re about to die, so I’ve come from the future to prevent it!”
“How do I die?”
“Heart attack.”
“Oh,” said Steve, looking disappointed.
“What?”
“I always thought I’d die, like, saving someone in a fire, or in a bungee-jump accident.”
“You’re about to die, and your main concern is that your death’s not cool enough?”
“Well you only get one shot at death, don’t you!? And anyway, what do you plan to do? You can’t stop a heart attack.”
“Well, I’m thinking of just, like, punching you in the chest.”
“That plan is crazy. Wait, no, this whole situation is crazy.”
“Yeah, it really is,” nodded Paul, even though this whole situation was his idea in the first place. However, his face lit up with a thought, which happened far less often than one might think. “Maybe you’re already dead, and I’m your guardian angel!”
“What? No, you’re not. Wouldn’t you know if you were?”
“The Lord works in mysterious ways.”
Suddenly, a cloud of electricity zapped to life within the time machine, which raged, rattled, and…ruttled, as the cloud grew bigger.
Paul pointed at the cloud with glee. “See, I told you, I’m making a miracle!”
“Is that really you doing that?”
“…No.”
The cloud floated away, revealing another Paul.
“Hold the phone!” cried the newest Paul. Or maybe the oldest, considering what time he was from.
“I’m not on the phone,” said Steve.
“It’s a figure of speech.”
“What’s that?”
“Never mind. I’m from one minute later. Paul, your plan doesn’t work, so I’m here to help! I guess I’m your guardian angel!” said the new, or rather, old, Paul. Let’s call him Paul Two.
“You’re not my guardian angel.”
“How do you know?”
“We already went through this,” said Paul One, “So what’s the plan?”
“We dunk Steve in the bath with THIS!” said Paul Two, grabbing the toaster from the kitchen counter. “It’s like that thing that the doctors use.”
“It’s really not,” said Steve.
“Oh, I see, you try to electrocute your friend and suddenly everyone’s a critic!”
Another cloud of electricity appeared in the time machine. There would be another description of the whole process, but this is a rather short story.
“Hold the phone!” cried Paul Three.
“I’m holding the toaster,” said Paul Two.
“Paul’s plan fails, so new plan! We stop time!”
“What?” asked Steve, wanting to stop this conversation.
“Have you ever seen Bernard’s Watch?”
“No?”
“Oh you should have, it was this great show on CITV-”
“Now’s not the time!”
“There’s always time when you have a time machine!” cried Paul Four, who appeared out of a cloud of electricity.
“Aren’t you meant to say, “Hold the phone?”” asked Paul Two, who was still holding the toaster.
“But that’s not a phone, that’s a toaster.”
“Why is everyone needing to hold phones or toasters!?!” cried Steve, who was getting very overwhelmed. He liked Paul a lot, but not enough to want four of him in his kitchen.
“New plan, guys. Bernard’s Watch, while great, doesn’t save him. So instead, we have to fly him to the hospital!”
“What do you mean, fly me to the hospital? You can’t fly!”
“I’ll have you know, guardian angels possess magical-”
“YOU’RE NOT MY GUARDIAN ANGEL!”
“Hold the phone!” cried Paul Five, appearing from another cloud of electricity.
“I can’t take this much longer,” wailed Steve.
“New plan. After we finish Bernard’s Watch-”
“Why does everyone keep going on about Bernard’s Watch!?!”
“Well Steve, it was this great show on CITV-”
“I DON’T CARE!”
“Don’t snap at your guardian angel!”
“For God’s sake, Paul!”
“Look, if you’re gonna be on board with this, Steve, then you’re going to have to-”
“I never said I was on board!”
Another cloud of electricity appeared in the time machine.
“Hold the-”
“SHUT UP!” yelled Steve, who had had enough, and lunged for Paul Six.
“You wouldn’t attack your guardian angel, would you!?!”
“You’re not my guardian angel! You’re Paul! You literally came here in a time machine that you stole!”
“Look, when you’re watching five versions of yourself arguing with your best friend, you kinda lose your grip on reality.”
Each of the Pauls were yelling ideas at Steve, who was beginning to feel very dizzy. It seemed like with every word, there was another cloud of electricity, then another, then another. More and more Pauls filled the kitchen until there was hardly any kitchen left.
“Maybe we really should hold a phone!” yelled out Paul Thirty-four. Paul Nineteen was busy wrestling the toaster away from Paul Two.
“This is making me really stressed…” Steve wheezed. There were so many Pauls, he couldn’t count them. There was definitely more than one, and less than one-thousand. Maybe he was going mad. No, he wasn’t. Paul really was the kind of person to do this.
“Paul...my heart…is...” gasped Steve, his vision going fuzzy.
“So if I’m his guardian angel, then who’s flying the time machine!?!”
Paul Three-hundred and Fifty-eight kept bashing the machine’s button. It felt very much like Steve’s heartbeat. Like a punch. Because seeing so many Pauls was madness. Also because he was having a heart attack.
“Paul…I…I…GAHHH!” Steve choked, and fell to the ground with a thud. Or maybe a smack; it’s up for debate. The Pauls immediately stopped and stared at the body. In shock, they stood silently.
Just kidding.
“Look, you plonker, you’ve killed him!”
“I warned you this would happen, you bloody moron!”
“No you didn’t, I came back to warn you! I’m from the further future than you are!”
“Are you? I thought he was.”
“Nope. I came here seventh…I think.”
“This is all getting very confusing.”
“Well, check the time machine. We can go back and fix this!”
“Can’t use the time machine.”
“Why not?”
“Time machine broke.”
“Oh. Bummer.”
“How’d it break?”
“I dunno. Guess it couldn’t handle nine-hundred and sixty-four Pauls travelling in it.”
“Wow. What a rubbish time machine.”
“So…we’re just stuck with each other now? What an odd turn of events.”
“Yeah, I never thought I’d meet so many different versions of myself. Hey, maybe we’re all each other’s guardian angels!”
“Oooh, that’s interesting.”
“Yeah, we definitely can’t be Steve’s.”
“Why not?”
“He’s dead.”
“Oh, yeah.”
“So, what do we do now?”
“I dunno. Wanna watch TV?”
“Sure, there’s re-runs of Bernard’s Watch on right now.”
END
This piece was longlisted in the Hive 2020 Young Writers’ Competition.